Dienstag, 19. Februar 2008
"(a piano playing softly in the background, growing stronger every second, as it becomes softer again a violin comes in to play along the melody, and then both play together perfectly and softly)"
prezzel, 00:14h
First things first: I've just watched 'Becoming Jane' and while I am typing this the 'Pride and Prejudice' DVD plays in the background. This might explain the following words. (and I apologize if this is all a little bit confusing because that's what I am right now - confused. And if that wasn't enough I kind of feel a lack of words to explain myself in the last weeks. )
The last few months I have given my life some great thought. About what I want and if there is the possibility to really achieve this.
Lets spot the most obvious first: I am not talking about a nice job with a lot of money or fame. There was a time I thought that that was what I wanted but it is not. What I am actually talking about is love and happiness. I know this might sound cheesy but that's how I feel.
Maybe that's why 'Pride & Prejudice' is one of my favourite movies right now (I haven't managed to get through the book yet. I know: "Shame on me!").
Okay I don't think I am like Elizabeth or Jane or any of the other characters but still (as in most books) I can adapt with a few of them.
The scene that first caught my eye and my interest was the scene where Elizabeth turns down a proposal made by a man who could 'save' her family form being financially ruined (okay I guess this is hard to follow if you don't know the plot however I will try to make things short and precise).
So where were we... yes the man who could save her family from being financially ruined proposed to her. And she turns it down as she hasn't got any (positive) feelings for him. Her mother gets furious about this, however Elizabeth does not change her mind as she is convinced that she will not marry without really loving the man.
This scene really affected me since I had some awful discussions about a close topic with my dad. Lets but this to nowadays life. The whole situations have changed, people meet and go out without their parents and they do not rely on their parents and their social status as much as they did back then. However our parents are still concerned about the same things. At least most. Thus is that their children have relationships and get married sooner or later.
My father felt the need to talk about this with me and showed me his concerns about me not having a boyfriend. I told that I don't fall for every guy and that I will certainly not start a relationship with someone I don't like. Although this may seem natural I know that it is not. Most people start relationships because they get the chance to have one and msot often feel the need that they are supposed to have one.
At another scene E.'s friend Charlotte comes to visit her and tell her that she (Charlotte) is going to marry the man that Elizabeth turned down. As Charlotte sees how Elizabeth looks she says:
"Oh Lizzie don't look at me like that. Not all of us can afford to be romantic!"
Can we really not? Because I certainly am romantic. And with romantic I mean ROMANTIC! I love the thought about loving someone wholly for eternity and I certainly think I can do it. I confess: I believe in a happy ending. (Although my father does not believe in it - he was by the way glad that I don't run off with every man that walks by!)
I could go on talking about almost every scene in this movie (Yes I have watched it quite often fav. quote: "One of these days, Lizzie, someone will catch your eye and then you'll have to watch your tongue.") however this would take to long and at some point you would stop reading if you haven't already.
So I am trying to make this as short as I am capable of.
I want my Mr Darcy. I want someone whoms life I affect as much as he affects mine. Someone who takes me for who I am and does not leave when things get complicated.
Although this might seem foolish I think that this love is possible, that there is someone out there who can give me this love and is able to receive mine. However I am realistic and I don't think that I will be as lucky to find this person very soon. I know that there have to be others so that you are able to see how wonderful a person is. But as this is my life I feel free to chose whom I want this experience with.
I know I am not easy and I know I am choosy. But this matter is easy to explain.
I am simply not capable of starting a relationship (no matter on which basis) with a person I feel I can not love wholly. I follow the same rule when it comes down to my friends. At least to my close ones. It is hard for me to let people get close and those I let in are only a few and special ones. I love them and I trust them. That is rare it really is. I love every moment with them and I am so happy if they are as well as I am angry or sad when they are.
When it comes down to "partners" I feel just the same. I don't let them get close if I don't have this feeling for them. It may seem foolish to not even give some a chance but sometimes you just know that you would never be able to love them. (and this not being due to their looks or social status just to make things clear)
So I maybe old fashioned but I can't change it (believe me I tried) Maybe I'm doomed to have a dream that will never come true, however being someone I am not is a complete nightmare I can't live with.
Maybe I am a dreamer but I am happy with it. I am. (and I guess I am not the only one - or am I Mr Lennon?)
So let me confess again: I believe in this love. I truly believe that it is out there and that I will find it. I believe that I am able to love someone for eternity and that there is someone who can love me for eternity.
To be serious is this really so hard to believe in?
"We are all fools in love."
The last few months I have given my life some great thought. About what I want and if there is the possibility to really achieve this.
Lets spot the most obvious first: I am not talking about a nice job with a lot of money or fame. There was a time I thought that that was what I wanted but it is not. What I am actually talking about is love and happiness. I know this might sound cheesy but that's how I feel.
Maybe that's why 'Pride & Prejudice' is one of my favourite movies right now (I haven't managed to get through the book yet. I know: "Shame on me!").
Okay I don't think I am like Elizabeth or Jane or any of the other characters but still (as in most books) I can adapt with a few of them.
The scene that first caught my eye and my interest was the scene where Elizabeth turns down a proposal made by a man who could 'save' her family form being financially ruined (okay I guess this is hard to follow if you don't know the plot however I will try to make things short and precise).
So where were we... yes the man who could save her family from being financially ruined proposed to her. And she turns it down as she hasn't got any (positive) feelings for him. Her mother gets furious about this, however Elizabeth does not change her mind as she is convinced that she will not marry without really loving the man.
This scene really affected me since I had some awful discussions about a close topic with my dad. Lets but this to nowadays life. The whole situations have changed, people meet and go out without their parents and they do not rely on their parents and their social status as much as they did back then. However our parents are still concerned about the same things. At least most. Thus is that their children have relationships and get married sooner or later.
My father felt the need to talk about this with me and showed me his concerns about me not having a boyfriend. I told that I don't fall for every guy and that I will certainly not start a relationship with someone I don't like. Although this may seem natural I know that it is not. Most people start relationships because they get the chance to have one and msot often feel the need that they are supposed to have one.
At another scene E.'s friend Charlotte comes to visit her and tell her that she (Charlotte) is going to marry the man that Elizabeth turned down. As Charlotte sees how Elizabeth looks she says:
"Oh Lizzie don't look at me like that. Not all of us can afford to be romantic!"
Can we really not? Because I certainly am romantic. And with romantic I mean ROMANTIC! I love the thought about loving someone wholly for eternity and I certainly think I can do it. I confess: I believe in a happy ending. (Although my father does not believe in it - he was by the way glad that I don't run off with every man that walks by!)
I could go on talking about almost every scene in this movie (Yes I have watched it quite often fav. quote: "One of these days, Lizzie, someone will catch your eye and then you'll have to watch your tongue.") however this would take to long and at some point you would stop reading if you haven't already.
So I am trying to make this as short as I am capable of.
I want my Mr Darcy. I want someone whoms life I affect as much as he affects mine. Someone who takes me for who I am and does not leave when things get complicated.
Although this might seem foolish I think that this love is possible, that there is someone out there who can give me this love and is able to receive mine. However I am realistic and I don't think that I will be as lucky to find this person very soon. I know that there have to be others so that you are able to see how wonderful a person is. But as this is my life I feel free to chose whom I want this experience with.
I know I am not easy and I know I am choosy. But this matter is easy to explain.
I am simply not capable of starting a relationship (no matter on which basis) with a person I feel I can not love wholly. I follow the same rule when it comes down to my friends. At least to my close ones. It is hard for me to let people get close and those I let in are only a few and special ones. I love them and I trust them. That is rare it really is. I love every moment with them and I am so happy if they are as well as I am angry or sad when they are.
When it comes down to "partners" I feel just the same. I don't let them get close if I don't have this feeling for them. It may seem foolish to not even give some a chance but sometimes you just know that you would never be able to love them. (and this not being due to their looks or social status just to make things clear)
So I maybe old fashioned but I can't change it (believe me I tried) Maybe I'm doomed to have a dream that will never come true, however being someone I am not is a complete nightmare I can't live with.
Maybe I am a dreamer but I am happy with it. I am. (and I guess I am not the only one - or am I Mr Lennon?)
So let me confess again: I believe in this love. I truly believe that it is out there and that I will find it. I believe that I am able to love someone for eternity and that there is someone who can love me for eternity.
To be serious is this really so hard to believe in?
"We are all fools in love."
... comment
pico,
Dienstag, 19. Februar 2008, 19:29
First things first...
...this is not foolish. This is beautiful. And it will happen sooner or later, because you're a wonderful person who deserves it. It takes strength of character to go it alone instead of going out and about with just anyone, something which I am guilty of with my ex (not when we started but the last few months) and it's good for nothing.
Good guys are not unattainable and it's entirely for you to decide who falls under that category and who's worth your attention, although you're right, many others will want to make it their business, even today.
The point being, I suppose: Hang in there, sweetheart, what you want is neither cheesy nor unrealistic.
Luv (and a mail later),
pico
Good guys are not unattainable and it's entirely for you to decide who falls under that category and who's worth your attention, although you're right, many others will want to make it their business, even today.
The point being, I suppose: Hang in there, sweetheart, what you want is neither cheesy nor unrealistic.
Luv (and a mail later),
pico
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