prezzel of passion

I'm lost. I must be. And if that's the case I am lost for over 10 years now. It must have started somewhere in primary school as far as I can remember. Nope wait at second thought I think it started when I was about four or five years old. Until then I felt as if I fitted in somehow, somewhere. After that everything was messed up. A new Kindergarten and new friends. It's not that I didn't like my new friends I still like them. At least one of them. Or that I wasn't happy since then because I was. I am. It's just this awkward feeling as if something is wrong.
Don't we all have a certain place in life? And if so how do you know yours? Since I can't seem to find mine. I love my friends and my family. I am pretty happy with myself. I have interests and enough money to afford those. But besides all this what is there? And I know I should be happy for the things I have especially as they are worth a lot! But still what about talents? There is nothing I am particularly good at. Or at least I can't think of anything. I'm not very pretty and not even really smart. Not popular and horribly shy. And if I sm completely honest there is not one thing I am really to the bone intrested in. I don't even feel slightly ambitious to achieve anything!
Honestly I like going to University but it's no that I have any ambition to be good at what I study and that I know what I want to do with it. I have no idea what I want to do with my life! And that's as honest as I can probably be. I can't imagine doing anything... I want to work and I know that I might even enjoy it but.... what?
Sometimes I envy some of those people whose only ambition it is to get rich and famous. Those who know where they want to go or be. Who know what to do with their life. Those my not be the best aim that one can have but still they know what they want and are willing to go there and to work for it at some point.
In the end I have to admit that eventhough I have wonderful friends (for which I am grateful everyday) I still don't feel as if I fit in this world. I know it's not the worst thing in the world but it feels bad. It feels horrible.

So here's my second list. Titles indicate which edition I possess. So a german title means I have the german edition just as a english title indicates that I've got the english edition.


Books on my shelf I still need to read (And that rhyme is on purpose)

Unterwegs - Jack Kerouac
The Daydreamer - Ian McEwan
Watching the English - Kate Fox
The bluest eye - Toni Morrison
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
English Jokes and Puns
Das Bildnis des Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
Der Schatten des Windes - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Everything is Illuminated- Jonathan Safran Foer
Bis(s) zum Abendrot - Stephenie Meyer
Neue Vahr Süd - Sven Regener
Slam - Nick Hornby
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Harry Potter und die Heiligtümer des Todes - Rowling
Die Novizin - Trudi Canavan
Die Meisterin - Trudi Canavan
Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer
Phantastische Geschichten - Edgar Allan Poe
New Moon - Stephenie Meyer
Schnee - Orhan Pamuk
Roter Engel - Tess Gerritsen
Disordered Minds - Minette Walters
The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Eine Klasse für sich - Curtis Sittenfeld
Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
Stolz und Vorurteil - Jane Austen