prezzel of passion

Just did one of those nice quizzes again. It was about which element you are. So here is me result:

Water: You're sensitive and fluid, responding to feelings more than anything else. Dreams, visions, love, and the mysterious attract you. You may be prone to depression, so try to balance your emotions with rationality


take the quiz

Sometimes in the evening I look back at the day and I try to think of a song which best expresses what happened or how I felt.
Well the first thing that came up my mind this morning at 7 am was: wine. (I had to get up to drive my mum to work) Wine was the first thing on my mind since I had drank a few glasses of wine the evening before and when I looked in the mirror my lips were kind of violet. Well it was redwine.
When I opened a window around midday more or less every bird in the garden was making a sound. Usually I am pretty annoyed by this sound however today it sounded quite nice. And the air that filled my room it smelled like... like spring... like summer.
Spring! Summer! I immediately began smiling. I love this moment. This only happens twice a year. Once when summer begins and the second time when winter starts. Well not officially but for me.
The summer-smell-day is usually when spring begins. It smells like warmth, sun, ice-cream.... and hayfever! But on this first day of spring it doesn't matter. Actually I felt like wearing a skirt and a top. I considered it for a moment. Then I thougt about the look on my mothers face. So I decided to wear a jeans and a short-sleeve shirt. And a jacket. (However I took off the jacket during the shopping and everybody kept staring at me)
The winter-smell-day is mostly around September-October. Usually you can easily recognize it if you know me since I keep running around shouting that Christmas will be there soon. Wonderful. I love this.

So this evening I thought about wine, birds singing, spring, seasons. And the first song I came up with was 'Seasons in the sun' by Terry Jacks. O_o
It still feels kind of awkward.

After weeks of thought, night without sleep and days without sense I have to draw a first conclusion and say: I don't understand men. Well at least most of them.
People keep saying women are complicated and confusing. I don't think that really hits the spot. We are moody and thoughtful. We care about birthdays and what our partner thinks. We simply care about the small things. Oh and we are used to use most of our brain most of the time. Since we recognise more things we have to talk more. It's the only way of coping with all those things happening around us.
And maybe right there is the problem. We see too much. Most women are aware of themselves most of the time. Men however do not always care. Not every moment has a meaning, not every word must be understood and not every move makes sense... That's my only explanation.
Then again it's not that we do not see the signs, because we do see them. The only problem is tat we can not always encode them. But since we are women we try... and I guess that's where it starts getting messy.
But who is to blame? (And why can't you make up your freaking mind?)



When we are kids they teach us how to read and write. As we grow older they show us how to ride a bicycle and how to drive a car. They taught us cooking and knitting but no one ever showed us how to cope with heartache. The only thing they gave us were some rather useless advice. Here are some of my favourites:

"Talk to someone about it, it will make you feel better"
Um no. At least it does not really help me. The only positive thing is that if you talk to a friend you realize that someone is there for you and that you are not as alone as you probably think

"Get out and do stuff, it will help you get your head off"
Yeah right. As if nothing reminds you of him/her out there. It doesn't matter where you go (shopping, to a club, to a restaurant, whatever) there will be always things that lead you back to where you started.

"Read a book"
Oh well most of the books I read have a love story in them at some point. Even if it's just kind of a side story. It's there and this could even make things worse. At least for me.

And then there are those nice sentences that are supposed to comfort you at some point but somehow, for me, they only make things worse. They even make me a little bit aggressive at some point. My all-time favorite:
"There's plenty more fish in the sea"
No really? How is that supposed to help?
A few weeks ago I was watching some TV show or movie. There were two girl sitting in a room. One of them was crying because she broke up with her boyfriend or the guy she liked didn't like her or something like that. However she was crying and her friend said to her this wonderful sentence. The reaction of the crying girl was amazing. She immediately stopped crying, jumped up and said something like: "You know what? You're right!" WTF This seriously does not happen to me. This sentence does not comfort me in any way.
I haven't got any problem with "You will get on!" or "There will be another one and he will treat you better" but "There's plenty of more fish in the sea"? The problem is not that there aren't enough! The problem is that I freaking hurt. And seriously don't expect the person to be happy form one moment to another. It might still take some time until this person will look at you and say "You know what? You were right I will get on!" If this might happen at all.

Of course I know that the reason why nobody taught us how to deal with heartache is that you have to go through it on your own. You have to find your own way. It's your own feelings/emotions you have to cope with and nothing can make you feel better until you worked out all of your feelings. There is no trick, no relief, However I can only advice to spend a day at home in bed. Crying, eating, yelling. Watching bad TV shows and life through every emotion that comes along. Let it all out. Let the emotions take control of you just for a day. Be angry, sad, mad, well just simply be emotional. Don't fight the tears and don't fight the anger. It's best to find something you can throw through the room that won't hurt you or anything in the room. Something that won't break even though you throw it across the room a hundred times.


Well I guess this is almost it. This is by the way the second time I wrote this entry. I don't really know why but when I posted the first one half of it was missing in the end. That's why my cookie monster made a journey to the end of the room. :(
Let's hope I will stumble across "The handbook of the male brain" somewhere. I'd be willing to share it with other women (and confused men as well) Until then I will remain confused. And I will never lose hope that at least someday men will be able to not be as confusing as they are. Those signs are too misleading.... o_O

My weekly 'Top Ten artists' according to Last.fm from 24th of Feb. - 2nd of March

1. Kate Nash
2. Arctic Monkeys
3. Paolo Nutini
4. Feist
5. Aaliyah
6. Counting Crows
6. Hellogoodbye
6. Fall Out Boy
6. Boys Like Girls
6. Phantom Planet


O_o