prezzel of passion

I'm lost. I must be. And if that's the case I am lost for over 10 years now. It must have started somewhere in primary school as far as I can remember. Nope wait at second thought I think it started when I was about four or five years old. Until then I felt as if I fitted in somehow, somewhere. After that everything was messed up. A new Kindergarten and new friends. It's not that I didn't like my new friends I still like them. At least one of them. Or that I wasn't happy since then because I was. I am. It's just this awkward feeling as if something is wrong.
Don't we all have a certain place in life? And if so how do you know yours? Since I can't seem to find mine. I love my friends and my family. I am pretty happy with myself. I have interests and enough money to afford those. But besides all this what is there? And I know I should be happy for the things I have especially as they are worth a lot! But still what about talents? There is nothing I am particularly good at. Or at least I can't think of anything. I'm not very pretty and not even really smart. Not popular and horribly shy. And if I sm completely honest there is not one thing I am really to the bone intrested in. I don't even feel slightly ambitious to achieve anything!
Honestly I like going to University but it's no that I have any ambition to be good at what I study and that I know what I want to do with it. I have no idea what I want to do with my life! And that's as honest as I can probably be. I can't imagine doing anything... I want to work and I know that I might even enjoy it but.... what?
Sometimes I envy some of those people whose only ambition it is to get rich and famous. Those who know where they want to go or be. Who know what to do with their life. Those my not be the best aim that one can have but still they know what they want and are willing to go there and to work for it at some point.
In the end I have to admit that eventhough I have wonderful friends (for which I am grateful everyday) I still don't feel as if I fit in this world. I know it's not the worst thing in the world but it feels bad. It feels horrible.

I just found another shuffle quiz :)

Q: Will I get far in life?:
Song: Music
Artist: Madonna
So I will get to music?

Q: How do my friends see me?:
Song: Play
Artist: Kate Nash
That I like to play?

Q: Where will I get married? :
Song: Bump, bump, bump
Artist: B2K
ummmm.....

Q: What is my best friend's theme song?:
Song: I Hear A Symphony
Artist: The Supremes
'Whenever your near I hear a symphony....'

Q: What is the story of my life?:
Song: Ray of Light
Artist: Madonna
Never looked at it that way...

Q: What is/was high school like?:
Song: Me & Mr Jones
Artist: Amy Winehouse
come again?

Q: How can i get ahead in life?:
Song: Bum Like You
Artist: Robyn
ummm, okay....

Q: What is the best thing about me?:
Song: They Long to be Close to you
Artist: Carpenters
That people like me? yeah, right....

Q: How is today going to be?:
Song: Back at your door
Artist: Maroon 5
So I will get a visitor?

Q: What is in store for this weekend?:
Song: Crazy
Artist: The Kooks
Sounds great!

Q: What song describes my parents?:
Song: Beautiful Stranger
Artist: Madonna
Seems like Madonna knows pretty much about my life.... but my parents and beautiful stranger?

Q: My grandparents?:
Song: What it Feels like for a girl
Artist: Madonna
Okay this is getting creepy with all those Madonna songs....

Q: How is my life going?
Song: Warwick Avenue
Artist: Duffy
That doesn't sound nice....

Q: What song will they play at my funeral?:
Song: Let's Get Married
Artist: Jagged Edge
What? O_o

Q: How does the world see me?:
Song: Time Is Running Out
Artist: Muse
That I'm close to death?

Q: Will I have a happy life?:
Song: perhaps vampires is a bot strong but...
Artist: Arctic Monkeys
O_o

Q: What do my friends really think of me?:
Song: Say it
Artist: Rihanna
So I should talk more?

Q: Do people secretly lust after me?:
Song: Ein neuer Tag
Artist: Juli
ummmm....

Q: How can I make myself happy?:
Song: (It's) Hairspray
Artist: James Marsden
Now that's an answer!

Q: What should I do with my life?:
Song: Bedtime Story
Artist: Madonna
That's pretty direct!

Q: Will I ever have children?:
Song: Throw it on me ft The Hives
Artist: Timbaland
I guess that's supposed to be a yes?

Q: What is some good advice?:
Song: Light Grenades
Artist: Incubus
Light Grenades? Seriously?

Q: What is my signature dancing song?:
Song: (You're) Timeless to me
Artist: Christopher Walken and John Travolta
Awww

Q: What do I think my current theme song is?:
Song: Johanna
Artist: Sweeney Todd Cast
I don't know a Johanna but okay...

Q: What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Song: We ridin'
Artist: Fat Joe
Well there is quite a difference between these two...

Q: What do I really want from life?:
Song: Sindbad Titellied
Artist: ----
Adventures?

Q: What should I do to help others?:
Song: Pumpkin Soup
Artist: Kate Nash
But I don't know how to make Pumpkin Soup?

Q: What should I do to help myself?:
Song: Where did Our Love Go
Artist: The Supremes
So I shouldn't let go?

Q: What should I do to succeed in life?:
Song: Dance (With U)
Artist: Lemar
YAY

Q: What is my one most important goal in life?:
Song: Time to Dance
Artist: Panic! At the Disco
Well that kind of fits....

Q: What do I get the most pleasure from?:
Song: Famous Last Words
Artist: My Chemical Romance
being hurt?

Lately I felt a little bit confused. I always knew that there was quite a number of people who refuse to listen to others but I never expected that many people to be that way. I hate repeating myself. Since I'm listening to the people around me most of the time I expect that others can do the same. And THIS is NOT about bad listeners this is about people who simply refuse to listen since they how the crazy idea that they already know what you want to say. It would take a few minutes to listen but somehow they have this really strange idea that answering right away would save them some time. This would actually work if they really knew what you were going to say but it is seldomly the case.
In the last few weeks a came across quite a number of these individuals. And there were moments where I almost lost it. It's simply impossible to talk to this persons or even have a decent discussion.
One of these individuals even went as far as ignoring me.... I'm not quite sure if he really thought that it would stop me trying to get my message across.
Oh and there's one thing I've realized while dealing with those nice individuals, they seem to take every single thing you say personal. As if you're intention was to offend them with every word you form.
What a wonderful combination....